Classic Signs You're Carrying Satan's Baby, And How To Plan Appropriately

Updated September 24, 2021 44.2K views

It’s cliché to say that no one knows what to expect when they’re expecting, but that applies even more if you’re a woman impregnated by the devil. But how do you know if you’re carrying a demonic spawn? Similar to knowing whether or not you’ve been marked by the devil, there are some absolute signs that you’re carrying the antichrist.

Perhaps you were involved in a satanic pregnancy ritual or maybe you’ve been drinking more blood that usual. Whatever the case, there are numerous signs Satan is near and all you need to do to learn which of them are real and which are coincidence. Pledge your eternal allegiance to Ranker and keep reading. Satan is a tricksy lad, as signs of his temptation and meddling are never obvious, and the ones that are will likely have you sent to an insane asylum if you tell anyone. But once you’re carrying the child of Satan, your life isn’t as without options as it may seem.

Every child needs a mother, even if its father is an ageless evil who has chosen to spend an eternity cackling in his personal fire pit, so you could always do your best to be the monstrosity’s mother. Or you could give the child up for adoption - there’s no rule saying you have to be the mother of the antichrist. If any of these signs that you’ve been impregnated by Satan apply to you, remember to consult a physician or a trusted coven of witches before you make any rash decisions. Chances are, you're probably just pregnant with a regular, human child.

You Wake Up With Wounds On Your Body
Photo: Paramount Pictures
A tell-tale sign of fostering Satan's unborn child in your womb is the appearance of claw marks or deep gouges across your skin when you wake up in the morning. These won't be your run-of-the-mill scratches that you find the morning after a round of suitably rough intercourse - these scratches will be deeper than the average fingernail marks and they'll likely be in a more animalistic shape than you're used to. If the claw marks have left any symbols across your body (pentagrams, pyramids, ominous squiggles), then you definitely have a demon baby hiding in your body.
You Crave Raw Meat Or Blood
Photo: Paramount Pictures
Odd cravings are natural when you're pregnant, but one particular craving that you should worry about is the desire to feast upon raw meat. There's simply something you need to satisfy your cravings, whether you're noshing on a bloody steak or a tube of raw beef. You may even want to double down on your urges by drinking blood from the still-beating heart of an innocent. If that's how you feel, then you should start picking out baby names from the book of Revelations.
A Sallow Look Falls Across Your Face
Photo: Paramount Pictures
As soon as you discovered that you were pregnant, did people begin referring to your appearance as "wan" or "hollow"? Do you have a jaundiced look to your eyes where there was once a bright light full of hope? Most women report of a glow that takes over their body once they're with child. However, those that have been impregnated by a demon, incubus, or Satan himself have been known to take on the look of someone whose very life is being drained from their body.
Brisk Gestation
Photo: 20th Century Fox
Was it only a week ago that you had amazing intercourse with a handsome stranger who may or may not have had goat eyes, and now you've got a six-month baby bump? It's never fun to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems like you may be pregnant with a demonic baby. One of the biggest signs that your child is of the nether realm is if it comes to full term quicker than it should. If you enjoy sleeping with sexy, slightly devilish men (either in real life or in dreams), you should keep a personal planner handy just to keep track of any pregnancies that occur.
The Fetus Packs A Mean Kick
Photo: 20th Century Fox
Upon feeling a super strong kick from a baby in a womb, many people (especially mothers-in-law) will say something innocuous like, "Feels like you've got a soccer player in there," or, "Someone's keeping up with leg day." However, a baby with superhuman strength is an obvious sign that you've not only been violated by a demon, but that you're carrying its seed.
Your Ultrasound Reveals A Spooky Fetus
Photo: YouTube
Going by ultrasound alone to decipher whether or not your child belongs to Satan is never a safe bet. Ultrasound photos are known to make the inside of your womb look like a funhouse mirror, and while your child may look a bit devilish, it most likely is a regular human baby.
If you notice something off about the baby in your ultrasound like devil horns, goblin ears, or a tail, then ask yourself whether or not you've experienced any of the other symptoms described here. If the answer is no and you still feel uneasy, visit a priest. If he suffers a severe nosebleed or flees in your presence, then it's safe to say that your suspicions were correct.
You're On Birth Control
Photo: lookcatalog / flickr / CC-BY 2.0
Even if you take birth control pills religiously, you have to remember that Satan's semen (or the semen of a demon-possessed human man) is not only super-strong, but is from the body of the greatest evil in the universe. Thus, there's nothing that prescription medication can do to stop it from working. If you find yourself pregnant despite being on the pill, it would be wise to seek help from your closest mystic.
Your Vaginal Areas Are Sore In The Morning
Photo: 20th Century Fox
As with some of the other signs on this list, having a sore vagina in the morning isn't exactly positive proof that you've been visited in the night by the King of Lies. If you've been having non-demonic sex with someone on a regular basis or if your normal means of transportation is a motorcycle or a horse, you probably have nothing to worry about. But if you experience intense pain and have some of the other symptoms on this list, then you may have a devil baby inside you.
Sudden Onset Telekensis
Photo: 20th Century Fox
It's rare that women begin to experience telekinesis without having a member of their family pass the gift down to them. So, if you suddenly have an uncontrollable ability to knock people over with your mind, then you may be with Satan's child. Your best bet is to take a pregnancy test, and if the the absorbent sampler changes from white to a blood red depiction of the crucifixion of Christ, then you're 99.9% pregnant with Satan's child.
Dreamy Devil Sex
Photo: Anchor Bay Films
What have your dreams been like lately? Just the normal stuff? Or have you been visited by a horrific pig man who makes love to you without the societal hang ups of a normal person, but leaves you feeling ashamed with Sumerian symbols etched into your skin? If you were having a lot of dream sex with a demon and now you're preggers, it's probably a sign that you're carrying the Lord of the Fly's child.

Time Loss
Photo: Anchor Bay Films
Having you been experiencing strange losses of time, especially after sex? Loss of time on its own isn't anything to inspire you to believe that you're carrying the antichrist, but if its working in tandem with demon dream sex, telekinesis, or cravings for blood, then you may want to begin panicking. Or, you could accept your fate as the mother of Satan's child and lean into it by buying a lot of black.
Nightmare Babies
Photo: Trimark Pictures
Because Satan and demons operate in the dark to avoid the eyes of God (who has a well known 10pm bed time), it makes sense that most demon child conception takes place late at night, specifically in dreams. If you begin having dreams of mothering a nightmare child, that may be your body trying to tell you that you've become pregnant with a goat-eyed baby who will tear apart humanity.
You Were The Focus Of A Satanic Pregnancy Ritual
Photo: Anchor Bay Films
If you've found yourself to be in the middle of a Satanic ritual (willingly or unwillingly) where you may or may not have had intercourse with Satan, a personification of Satan, a lesser demon, or maybe even a possessed regular guy wearing a cloak, then you're probably pregnant with a devil baby. How involved you want to be in this baby's life is up to you, but if you've always wanted to be a demonic queen who leads an undead horde of abominations, then you should give mothering your devil baby a shot.